Oceans

One day I took my boat on the water

I sat back and looked around.

Far enough out I couldn’t see land anymore

left only to believe it stayed there.

I saw another boat on the water

much larger than mine

turned away.

I saw you standing on the edge

fishing rod in hand.

I considered what you were doing.

I watched you for quite some time

but I really didn’t pay you any mind.

Truth be told it is unfair

it’s crowded albeit lonely.

People all around you – beneath you.

You swim with corpses

and let them grab onto your knees.

You wore your soul on the outside

you dropped your heart down into the water

and let the ocean come out of your eyes.

You went fishing in this ocean

looking for sympathy.

They have sympathy.

They ask why you’re crying

you turn away.

You baited them

you know

they will come back to you.

Your wire hung down beneath the sea

your anchor sturdy beside it.

You struggle to surface them both –

it surfaces

caught on it is the compassion of the others.

You eyed the living with the same eyes

worthy of studying a lifeless body.

I didn’t think to call you on it

I just stared

and considered what you were doing.

You took waves of their emotion

mistook their kindness for opportunity.

You built yourself a shrine out of emptiness

filled with those in need beneath you.

I saw you pull their hearts out

lay the torn parts around you.

Splayed out and shriving

preserved and salted

I know you feel you need them.

Consumed by this fear

you won’t come by them again

you must keep them.

Your jacket isn’t white anymore.

You drained the love out of the sea

left it a whirlpooling shell of a thing.

People will mistake the violence of the sea

for the violence of you.

It is your chance to play a role you never got to play before

your sense of pride is twisted.

You’ve lied your way into the center of this game

now no one will see.

I watched you look me in the eye and

I wondered what you saw in me.

My heart is not open

it is anchored in this.

you cannot get away.

I stand here.

holding onto too much twisted pride.

I have been built with the strength of the ocean.

All of its vicious.

All of its power.

Its energy.

Its calm.

Its chaos, within me.

You brewed your own storm

to overtake me.

You threw yourself at me.

Your energy bent around me

you passed through me.

I saw you crash through my chaos.

For a moment I considered

suspending a cruel nature.

I considered for a second

carrying you to shore

to show you compassion –

No.

I knew you would try to break me.

You will try to break me –

you will drain me.

I stop –

I find myself burdened by the oceans filled with you.

I look out and I see you your energy has risen –

high tide

you’re flailing –

I watch the waves obscure you.

Starting to go under –

I deliberate

if I have this kindness in

my heart

the kind of kindness to save you –

No.

I will not fall down to you.

I am overtaken by the brutality of the sea

so that I will not be overtaken.

I stand alone.

I watch the burden of yourself

anchor you down

pull you under.

You are going to drown.

The calm of the sea washes over me

when I watch you lose your life.